The worst week of my life...well, probably more to come.

I feel bad following Liang's very logical thoughts on Valentine's day with this crappy self-vent entry, but I must do it.

For those of you that didn't know, I had my first cumulative exam today. This is first of our ten tests that we need to pass. We can either pass four in a row, or five out of the ten tests that will be given. They are given every even months on thr second Saturday...so the first one was last Saturday.

To prepare for this exam, I have worked my ass off. I mean, seriously worked. The last two weeks were probably the most I had studied in my lifetime. I stayed at school until around 11 or midnight in my office, studying, studying, studying. I was quite proud of myself for having that much motivation.

But, the test was awful. It was beyond awful actually. I'm pretty certain that I failed this one. And even though I can tell myself that I can pass 4 or 5 our of the next 9 tests, it is still very depressing. The february test, technically, should be the easiest one since it only covers the first semester material, whereas after this anything covered in second semester is possible to be on the test. So, I pretty much feel like I'm screwd. I don't know what I can do differently because I really worked my butt off and I don't know if I can do any more than what I prepared for this test.

So, as I am hitting my intellectual limit, when I was pretty depressed about this whole test, my parents called me. That made me feel so much better for some reason. I never doubted that they would support me under no circumstances, but it's good to know that their support still holds even though they are miles away. My mom tried to convince me that I'm under a lot of odds because I didn't have any polymer science background, and she's right. I didn't. Compared to these people that are here, I probably am the least prepared of all when it comes to undergraduate education. But at the same time, I don't want that to be my excuse for not passing my test. I would still feel like a loser if I fail out of grad school.

I am seriosuly weighing out my options right now. I'm not confident to say that I can pass four or five out of nine tests.

I just needed to vent it out. I'm still going to try no matter what. And if I fail after trying my hardest, then I'll convince myself that this was not the path for me.